SIGHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh

Actually i reli dun understand why it is so difficult to just lend me the thing?? it is so hard that u have to give lotsa unnecessary reasons to avoid lending me???

When u borrow smtg from me, i nvr hesitate(not even a single second) to lend u n sumore i share every info with u....

but when i wana lend from u, it's alwiz so hard to get...n ur expression is showing that u r hesitate to lend...

when u need me, i help u...but when i reli need it, u give lotsa acuses...

is this wad u call frenship????

n is not d 1st time ady....

u changeddddddddd.....i feel it...

in d end i was alwiz being used...

n i reli hate it...i dun give a dam on y u feel so reluctant to lend me...it's not a big deal...

n when i share d info wif u, y dun u feel hesitate on tat moment??????

FMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLl

It's complicated~~

i feel that both of us are getting awkward when being ard each other...

v used to talk alot, share alot of thoughts, laugh 2gether, gossip 2gether...

but it seems v cant go bak to those olden days....

i think is always true that ppl tend to get close to me for certain objective...

i know it, but whenever i make a fren, i promise myself tat i will protect tat friends..

im not trying to show that im a great person, but i can tell u that im indeed a true fren that concern n care for my frens..

but in d end, it seems lk im d only one that is really care for d frenship...im just lk ordinary person who will get hurt easily as well...

n wad i hate most is that when ur fren's partner is trying to create alot of fuss between u n ur fren...n even start to bad mouth and brainwash ur fren to stop hanging out with u...

n i know that when i say smtg, u r actually not paying attention...

u only contact me whenever u need me...

i understand u care for ur partner..indeed i can tell u that i will do that as well....

but aside from that, i will care for my frens as well...not only during d moment when i need them...but all the time....

it's always me who calls u, concern bout u, comfort u.....but u take it for granted.....

now thinking back...since when u actually concern bout me?? ohya..only when u r sad/asking me for favor/ur partner not ard...

do u really think that i do not have any idea wad r u trying to act in front of me n my frens???

im a tolerable person...but im not STUPID!!!!

i can be a good actress at any moment..

but...i do not want to lose a fren whom im really care for....

REcently, my frens get a job offer in Spore, n she's been asking me to go over der to find job as well...
To be honest, I'd thought of working in Spore b4, n i actually been offering a job in Spore not long ago....
My siblings have always supported me to work abroad...
But becoz of some reasons, i rejected the opportunity...
I really wish to work in different place, work with different ppl to gain more exp....but i guess u guys wont ever understand...
No matter how hard i try to convince, wad i get is objections from u guys...
U guys always tink on the negative ways, n tink that im not capable to handle it...
U guys always do not know wad i wan most...
Even when i wana talk, u guys just dun take it seriously....

Sometime, i really do wish that im born with more freedom..
So that i can do things that i like, make my own decision without any considerations, n live the life i opt for..
I really wish to live wad i wan, n not wad others wan....but things just cant go on my way...
for my 21 yrs life, i've been tolerating n hoping that one day i can fully walk out a new path..
but it's always a disappoint wan..
From yrs to yrs, i'd been trying to make changes..but in the end, it's just useless no matter how hard i work for it...All my efforts seem to be a big joke...
When i try to rebel , there's always the same word appear "is for ur own good, for ur own sake"..I've heard the same words from yrs to yrs, mths to mths, day to day....until i've totally become numb...

No matter how hard i argue, i defence myself, the consequences still turn out to be the same...
I never ask for more, i just wan u guys to listen to wad i want, n not just help me to decide things that u think that i need most and wad i should do...
Everytime when i wana tok wif u guys seriously, u guys think that it's just a dream talk of a young gurls...It's realy do hurts me alot, ya know??
I din mention out is becoz i know u guys wont understand..n i din argue bak, is becoz i know it's worthless to do so as u guys wont listen a single thing..U guys just stand firm on ur own view n ignore mine...n arguements wil even make things worst....
Sometime i hope that i have the courage to scream out everything n run away....haha...yea..run away-such a best description for me...But i know it will just worsen the situation...

I dont hope for more, i just wan some supportings...
But everytime when im passionate to do things that i like, wad i get is "a splash of cold water"...
Also, when other relatives done the same things that i wish to do, only u guys wil start to encourage me to go for it...so what does all this mean??it's reli heartache.....
There's always alot of excuses to prevent me from doing things....Sienness...
N wad i most furious is that when u guys mention bout gender differences..
So what if im a female...
Just becoz im a female, i cant go hom late, i cant club, i cant go out so frequently, i cant drink...etc...
N wad i should do is to help out in housechores, act like a gurl....
I hate it when u guys say such thing...
Im getting 22 y/o this year n yet i still have curfew...*dizzling*
Y cant i do things that i like just lk what my siblings are doing??
They can do wadeva dey want, make deir own decision, y cant i???
they have d freedom, but not me...

u guys arrange things that u tink is good for me....but this is not always i wan....
I know u guys love me..i know it veli well deep inside my heart...
but im not satisfied...
Im not a greedy person, just that i hope that i can exp different life...expose another new path...
Im not as weak as u thought...
Im strong n capable far beyond ur imagination....
I have alot of plan inside my mind...
i have alot of thinkings inside my mind....
Just that u guys always thought of me oppositely....


I know some of u will think that im such a weaklings...I should have live for my own..But is always hard to do so when u r in my position...It's not an easy task to settle it as u guys do not exp it...
But i wanted to say that, things r changing bit by bit over the years...At least now im still working on it without giving up....^^

~~~ALWAYS LOOK ON THE POSITIVE SIDE~~~

疑问。。。

突然很想了解大家的看法。。
如果你喜欢上一个有了男朋友/女朋友的人， 你会怎样做？？
是选择逃避自己的感觉？偷偷将这段情愫隐藏起来？还是对他坦白？？
在我的看法里， 如果是我， 我会选择隐藏我的情愫。不让他发现。。
可能是因为我很痛恨第3者吧， 所以我不希望破坏别人的感情。。

今天和朋友聊到这个话题。他说我的想法不应该。。
爱情里没有所谓的先后序。。喜欢上了就是喜欢。。这是不变的事实。。
幸福是要自己争取的。。
你喜欢他，不代表你会破坏他和女友/男友的感情。。
道理很简单- 如果他不喜欢你，那么你不可能会破坏到他们的感情。。
如果他喜欢你，那么你也没有错。。你只是对他坦诚自己的感觉。。
决定权在于他。。
如果他选择了你，不代表你是第3者。。这只是他与他的男友/女友感情淡了。。
就算他没有选择你， 之少你对自己坦白， 不会后悔。。
人应该要争取属于自己的幸福。。
不管情路有多坎坷，受再多的伤， 之少对自己有交待。。
不要想太多。。放开自己。。不要怕。。
跌倒了，就爬起来， 没什么大不了的。。

听了我朋友的话，我觉得他讲得很有道理。。
套一句柴九的经典名句：人生有多少个10年，最重要的是痛快。。
如果一直在害怕往前前进， 那么就会错过很多机会。。
机会错过了就不会有第2 次。。

我一直都很清楚自己的弱点。。但是这是需要时间来改变的。。
在2010年，我希望我可以变得更有自信，更方开。。不要那么地KENG~~
不要那么执著了。。

p/s: i need to quote the words from my fren due to copyright problem..LOL
*u know hu u r la, no need i mention*hahahahah

i know i am weak.....
i know im a cry baby.......
i no longer have any passions in things i love to do....
i dun feel like plurking...
i dun feel like facebook~ing.....
i dun feel like browsing picture.....
i dun feel like watching pps........
i dun feel like going out......
i dun feel like chatting......
Are these what they called EMO Period????
I duno........
This is the first time i have such strong feeling.....
I cant feel my existence....
It's so tiny till i cant sense myself...
It's like i have disappeared from this world....yea, i do hope so sometime....

I may seems happy, but indeed i know that all these happy feelings are just illusion...
I act like im happy...i act like im satisfied....but in fact IM NOT....
For all this while, i know im the person hu cant hide my feelings...Ppl can easily read me...
but lately, i know myself that im been good in acting actually...
I hide my feelings, not letting any1 know, not letting any1 figure out....
I hate to bear with it myself, but i dun wana share my feelings...i just wana keep this to myself...
Pretty Contradicting rite??ahhaha...
Perhaps i tink everyone surely has smtg tat they do not wana share or tell.....
To me..i tink this is probably my emo time...
I know it's alwiz been there, just i choose to ignore it, escape from it....I just dun wana face it...
But the reality tells me that is time to come bak and deal with it...
There's no one to blame....Perhaps all these are my faults...my problem...my matter...
Instead of sharing wif someone, i choose to write out my feelings...
Coz i feel that writing out is easier than saying out....
This is my blog, n i can write anything i like without caring bout wad others thought of me....
All i need is time to be alone and to clear all those thoughts in my mind...

P/s: Emo post...

Year of 2009

2009 is going to end soon...Time flies n many things happen in just a blink of an eye...
it may seem to be a good year, yet alot of sad things happen...
There's lots of mixed feelings...

This is the year i graduate....
This is the year i separate wif my frens.....
This is the year i encounter lots of up and down....
This is the year i cried the most.....
This is the year i become the most sensitive.....
This is the year i become very EMO....
THis is the year i try to escape from the reality for the first time...
This is the year i learn about forgiveness.....
This is the year i learn about my stupidity......
This is the year i start to doubt myself.....
This is the year i realize things cant be tat easy for life.....
This is the year i realize that my EQ is not as high as i thought...
THis is the year i realize contribution does not guarantee equal return.....
This is the year i realize how weak am i.....
This is the year i become closer with every1...
This is the year i get more freedom....
This is the year i travel ard with frens happily.....
This is the year i miss my frens soooooooooo muchhhhhhh.....
This is the year for me to strike for the best....

2009 is a reli special year for me....
i duno wad is the feeling deep inside my heart now....sad??happy??excited??neither......
i know i still have a long path to learn, in terms of friendship, studies, career.......
and i know i can do it with more passion and motivation......
is time to face the reality and stop thinking bout everything is nice...
Time to wake up and face myself.....
Hope for it, and do my best to get it...
Have faith in myself n i can make it.....
No longer put high expectation for sum1 or sumthing....tat's just dun work and will even fall harder...
See clearly, think deeply and feel with heart....and i will get the answer....

Now i hope for the best in year 2010......
A new me, a new career and a new life!!!ohya..not to 4got bout a new date...HAHAHAHAHHAHAH

Goodbye to 2009 and say HEllo to the year of tiger-2010!!!!

Cheers every1 and all the best to u guys!!!^_______________^

2nd day pic of CNY~~

Lalalala~~~here's comes the pic which i promise u guys...


Second day of cny-Tian Hou Gong

me,my family,cousins n my aunt^^

the cow n us!!XOXO

^^

v love piggy~~

the love stone and YUE LOU...
praying that my white horse prince will appear soon...XD

cross over the luck bridge, all the good luck will come to u...

I lazy to write...so just post pic...still got pics haven received...^^ Plz wait ya~~~

My CNY 2009~~~

Finally cny comes to an end~~Gonna miss those moment again...SIGH...

As usual, every year, my cny seems to be the same..Watch cny blockbuster movies, receive angpau, visiting relatives&frens, gambling~~~Every year is the same.. however, der's alwiz one thing that makes me feel excited, which are lots of Super duber delicious food&cookies waiting for me to eat...Yeap, especially Bakgua and chocolate are my favourite..Every minutes,everysecond, u can see me eating them non stop...Only at these days, i will truely feel the excitement n joyment of eating these food because of the cny mood!!XD..I dun reli mind gained weight after cny(in fact,i reli do gained....T_T) coz cny is supposedly to let ppl feel free to eat wadeava dey want..If i have to stop myself from eating those yummy food, i tink i will better kill myself off from seeing others to eat in front of me..Can u imagine how torturing will it be???lolx...lk i'd alwiz say, enjoyment comes first, den oni work hard to lose weight after that...XD

Besides food, another thing that i will do is visiting the temple..Every year, me n my family will definitely go to the temple no matter what..Nothing will stops us from going to the temple to pray for a better life during the whole year and of coz for good health n wealth...As usual, there are alwiz many ppl on the 1st n 2nd day of cny..But luckily, i do not encounter any traffic jam this year..THank god man~~This year, the decoration is getting more n more beautiful n fabulous..It's reli nice to see those decoration, especially during nite time..XOXO...

Ohya, not to forget bout the cny blockbuster movie..Well, i've only managed to watch a movie-All's well End's well..It's a hong kong movie..It's reli suitable to be watched during cny coz it's reli funny+stupid...The storyline is funny, yet meaningless...as what we can expected that this is the style+trend of most hong kong movies...As for other two movies which are-Red Cliff2 and The Wedding Game, i did not manage to watch it, so i cant give any comments...Based on the feedback, these 2 movies are good, worth to watch..Neway, i will still going to watch it despite the feedback..Perhaps i should get myself dvd copy of these 2 movies since there arent any nice timing at the cinema currently...T_________T However, i feel lk lack of smtg, bcoz der arent any movies directed by Stephen Chow dis year..I believe that everyone will agree wif me bout this, rite rite???...I've been watching his movie since young( i tink most of us do)and most of his movies are usually released during cny..Aww..i reli miss his movie...I hope next year he will be releasing his new act..im waiting desperately~~XD

Ok, i tink i beta stop writing..Times to post some pics for u guys to see before u guys feel bored from reading a long long post..

First day of cny (DONG CHAN SI, Jenjarom)

Nam Mou Oh Lei To Fut..lolx

it's actually a dragon statue...^___^""

1..2..3..4...5....O.O

Happy moo moo year~~~
it's so cute!!!

me n my bf XD
(p/s: this person "force" me to write so...)

drink water aso wan to pose--> tat's our style..

Kinda few pics, coz most of the pics at my cousin;s hp n i haven receive yet..So plz bare wif it...^^Second day of pic will be upload soon^^