Lazy pig's dairy~~爱玲忆界

REcently, my frens get a job offer in Spore, n she's been asking me to go over der to find job as well...
To be honest, I'd thought of working in Spore b4, n i actually been offering a job in Spore not long ago....
My siblings have always supported me to work abroad...
But becoz of some reasons, i rejected the opportunity...
I really wish to work in different place, work with different ppl to gain more exp....but i guess u guys wont ever understand...
No matter how hard i try to convince, wad i get is objections from u guys...
U guys always tink on the negative ways, n tink that im not capable to handle it...
U guys always do not know wad i wan most...
Even when i wana talk, u guys just dun take it seriously....

Sometime, i really do wish that im born with more freedom..
So that i can do things that i like, make my own decision without any considerations, n live the life i opt for..
I really wish to live wad i wan, n not wad others wan....but things just cant go on my way...
for my 21 yrs life, i've been tolerating n hoping that one day i can fully walk out a new path..
but it's always a disappoint wan..
From yrs to yrs, i'd been trying to make changes..but in the end, it's just useless no matter how hard i work for it...All my efforts seem to be a big joke...
When i try to rebel , there's always the same word appear "is for ur own good, for ur own sake"..I've heard the same words from yrs to yrs, mths to mths, day to day....until i've totally become numb...

No matter how hard i argue, i defence myself, the consequences still turn out to be the same...
I never ask for more, i just wan u guys to listen to wad i want, n not just help me to decide things that u think that i need most and wad i should do...
Everytime when i wana tok wif u guys seriously, u guys think that it's just a dream talk of a young gurls...It's realy do hurts me alot, ya know??
I din mention out is becoz i know u guys wont understand..n i din argue bak, is becoz i know it's worthless to do so as u guys wont listen a single thing..U guys just stand firm on ur own view n ignore mine...n arguements wil even make things worst....
Sometime i hope that i have the courage to scream out everything n run away....haha...yea..run away-such a best description for me...But i know it will just worsen the situation...

I dont hope for more, i just wan some supportings...
But everytime when im passionate to do things that i like, wad i get is "a splash of cold water"...
Also, when other relatives done the same things that i wish to do, only u guys wil start to encourage me to go for it...so what does all this mean??it's reli heartache.....
There's always alot of excuses to prevent me from doing things....Sienness...
N wad i most furious is that when u guys mention bout gender differences..
So what if im a female...
Just becoz im a female, i cant go hom late, i cant club, i cant go out so frequently, i cant drink...etc...
N wad i should do is to help out in housechores, act like a gurl....
I hate it when u guys say such thing...
Im getting 22 y/o this year n yet i still have curfew...*dizzling*
Y cant i do things that i like just lk what my siblings are doing??
They can do wadeva dey want, make deir own decision, y cant i???
they have d freedom, but not me...

u guys arrange things that u tink is good for me....but this is not always i wan....
I know u guys love me..i know it veli well deep inside my heart...
but im not satisfied...
Im not a greedy person, just that i hope that i can exp different life...expose another new path...
Im not as weak as u thought...
Im strong n capable far beyond ur imagination....
I have alot of plan inside my mind...
i have alot of thinkings inside my mind....
Just that u guys always thought of me oppositely....


I know some of u will think that im such a weaklings...I should have live for my own..But is always hard to do so when u r in my position...It's not an easy task to settle it as u guys do not exp it...
But i wanted to say that, things r changing bit by bit over the years...At least now im still working on it without giving up....^^

~~~ALWAYS LOOK ON THE POSITIVE SIDE~~~